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"We're all just walking each other home." - - Ram Dass







Monday, June 25, 2012

And For Tonight



i take my heels off before my key turns the lock
easing the door open to ensure a quiet entry
into a house shrouded in slumber.

tonight, i was the part of me
that knew life before diaper changes
didn't carry a pair of spiderman undies stashed in her purse, "just in case"
whose stomach didn't bear the stripes of growth verses skin.

i pinned my hair up
put my makeup on
and quite literally danced out the door.

i laughed. too loud.
i talked. too much.
i felt the pressing of responsibility upon my shoulders
lift under the shoring of friendship.

yet now, in the dark, i re-enter.
without a light on or a face seen
i am aware of the presence of the lives i hold most dear.

i feel the electric current
of my life being pulled to theirs
of belonging, together.

i push back hair cascading over
dream dampened foreheads,
replace covers kicked off
by growing limbs.

and take the hairpins out, one by one
while the house pops, creaks, expands
to contain the weight of our love.

i peel off the layers of clothes
that smell of the stale and fleeting life outside
letting them pool around my feet as
i, emerge.

i am
both the girl inside and the woman i will become.

i belong
to grandeur and to servitude.

i speak
in wild laughter and whispered fairy-tales.

i expand
to contain the world and lives entrusted to me.

my current self
slides between the well worn cotton sheets
nubbed with the nights spent. secure.
and pull the covers of contentment around me.

i rest my head
ears lulled by the sound of life's forward momentum just outside my window.

my breathing slows
as my sleeping rhythm finds theirs.

and for tonight,
i am enough.


{linked with Jen, Just Write, dversepoets, Imperfect Prose} read to be read at yeahwrite.me

72 comments:

  1. So beautiful! I just love your writing, its so powerful and moving!!

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  2. Every time I read, your words become more and more beautiful.

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  3. Makes me just want to get into bed and feel at peace while I fall asleep! Lovely!

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  4. Such beautiful writing as always. You have such a peaceful way with words.

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  5. I want to quote to you my favorite line, and say, Oh, Tara, THAT one. Yes. But, truth is, I can't find just one. It's that one and that one and that one and that one and before long I'm quoting the whole thing. So my favorite part of the post is simply this: the warm bubbling rush of "this is gonna be good" that happens as soon as I click onto your blog. Because, it IS good, and that WAS good, and I say that to myself *every* time.

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  6. so many lovely lines...these particularly caught me:
    i expand
    to contain the world and lives entrusted to me.

    Glad you had time to be with your friends, Tara :)

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  8. I know this enlarging and receding of lives lived within one person. Great writing, my dear.

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  9. Mmm. The covers of contentment. I just love the soft and quiet midnight tiptoe feel of your post. Thanks for sharing a peek with us!

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  10. You captured those feelings I feel blessed to have experienced so well. Love this so much!

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  11. I felt the quiet, the filling up that comes in the laughter with female faces, the return to contentment among those whom you pour your life, lifting the covers of peace to your soul. You wrote it beautifully Tara, the way all of it is enough.

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  12. Grandeur and servitude. Beautiful words. I've lived in them. We all need "our time" and then come back to "ours."

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  13. i couldn't stop reading. soooo beautifully done.

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  14. This is beyond lovely and beautiful. Seriously. I can't find an adjective that accurately describes my feelings. Love it!

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  15. I love that feeling of coming home to a house of sleeping children. Beautifully expressed!

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  16. That was beautiful, and perfectly captures coming back to your "mom" self. Thank you.

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  17. tara,

    your words are magical. you've done it again. how long did it take you to write this (just curious?)?

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  18. smiles...i love that feeling of enough...and that you escaped for a bit as well to be yourself...and enjoy yourself...because that makes the time at home witht he ones you love all the more special...and keeps your batteries recharged as well...smiles.

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  19. So excellent. I am going out tonight and I hope to have a similar experience. I am still searching for my identity and how to merge old me and new me. I have no idea how to do it, but this post somehow helps. Thanks you!

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  20. Love this to pieces. I want to hear it read behind a microphone. We all are two selves, aren't we?

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  21. This is perfect. So incredibly perfect.

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  22. You captured that feeling so perfectly. Right on. When you write, Tara, you often write a feeling that I (and I'm sure others) have had but the way you write about it...I can't think of how to say what I want here...it helps me sort out the feeling in myself better. You write about it so well that something that was addled inside me before, now feels clear and I'm able to think about it in a more satisfying way. I may stop paying my therapist if you would just post one of these on a daily basis. That would be great - hop on that!

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  23. I love this one Tara. You were able to capture the duality of moms so well. Amazing.

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  24. Oh, this really captures it. Beautiful!

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  25. It's a wonderful thing to read the stories of someone so contented with their life. It allows us to step aside from what might be bothering us and to find what's really important. That's the way your writing affects me. Lovely.

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  26. Tara, beautifully written, about all the women and girls we are as mothers. Thank you.

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  27. I just found this stunning. Gorgeous writing. I could picture it all. Beautiful. Well done.

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  28. I love the ease with which you hold and love all of you, all that surrounds.
    You are a breath of vibrant, alive air.
    xo

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  29. Love this! So many beautiful phrases.

    I went out with girlfriends this weekend for the first time since having my baby 4 months ago. I enjoyed my time with them, but didn't feel myself until I got back home (before midnight, of course).

    This captured my feelings perfectly!

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  30. Such a lovely tone. Hope it was a wonderful evening.

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  31. wow! This is my favorite EVER post from you, friend.. it's just like you took all the parts of my heat that lack words and actually put words to how I feel. I loved it all, but the line that will echo in my mind tonight is... i expand
    to contain the world and lives entrusted to me. Beautiful. You have such a gift. Thanks for using it. Sharing it.

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  32. There is so much freedom here, spoken from the realm of responsibility and caring which betokens the free spirit sure of self and gently aware of who and what you are. Your poem lifted my spirits too as I read it, pulling me along with you as you experienced once more the joys of letting go. I know the obligations as well, and indeed I know these moments when life lifts its from your shoulders to bring to life that being that seemed buried underneath so much concern and giving. Delightful read.

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  33. This is wonderful!
    And how invigorating a night like that is, right? I had one last night, sitting with two girlfriends until late, eating, drinking, laughing, talking and lots of swearing. It was perfect.
    LOVE your writing, Tara.

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  34. Wanna know a secret? I save your emailed post for last...because I know it's how I'll want to end my time here at the screen.
    This one didn't disappoint. not that reading your heart ever could...

    welcome home, friend.

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  35. Oh, Tara how I love your words, friend. Welcome home to you...and thank you for inviting us in to who you are.

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  36. oh my ...this is just beautiful...a lovely picture you paint with words of the metamorphosis of womanhood. love it...blessings~

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  37. I forget how hard it is on a young mom to find (or steal) these moments in a life that is diapers, piles of laundry and clingy tots. I'm so glad you got that evening to be a free spirit and drink in the fun of life. And I'm so glad you love the fun and "responsibility" of raising your sweet family too, Tara! Just beautiful!

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  38. oh, this is SO rich. i feel like God is painting a path of young mom moments for me across the blogs these days, preparing me for all the fear and all the beauty that i will still need to find...i will just need to fight a little harder for it all.

    <3

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  39. Picture + words, perfect. Ah, to shed the mommy for a night and find the woman underneath who then happily returns to the mommy again, this beautiful metamorphosis.

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  40. This is absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful. I can relate to every word, every line. WOW. "Dream dampened foreheads" ... "the weight of our love" ... Just, WOW. Amazing. Thank you for sharing this.

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  41. was here already but figured i would jump over and say hi on the imperfect tour today...smiles...hope you are having a great day!

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  42. yes. this captures it so gracefully.
    i have stood in this moment too.
    Thanks.

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  43. Tara,

    Stopping by from Imperfect Prose, and found it captivating. Thanks for processing the delicate balance of mom and woman.

    Jennifer Dougan
    www.jenniferdougan.com

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  44. "while the house pops, creaks, expands
    to contain the weight of our love."

    Great line.

    Well, great overall, but that line I like most of all. :-)

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  45. while the house pops, creaks, expands
    to contain the weight of our love.

    and then: "and for tonight, i am enough."

    wow.

    wow.

    i think this is my favorite of yours so far, girl...

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  46. oh i like this much..good to have these times where we can breathe a bit of different air and then return to where we belong

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  47. So, so, so, so beautiful. Here's to grandeur and to servitude, in equal measure, friend.

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  48. Your images here are so lovely. We're always becoming aren't we? And I love that you stash spiderman underpants, just in case. The things we do for love:)

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  49. love, love, love....yep, thats it. xo

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  50. And how is it that we seem to forget this side of ourselves so easily....when it was the one that was there first?
    Beautiful.

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  51. Beautifully written. I usually roll my eyes at poetry. This was simply lovely. I could feel your dual selves. How funny it is that we can transform from one to the other.

    Nicely done!
    Pippi

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  52. Beautifully written. I felt so peaceful. So happy that you are content in this stage of life! Nice job!

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  53. I am not a poetry fan. I usually read a few lines, lose interest and go onto something else. This might be the first poem that I have actually finished. It is definitely the first poem that I finished and thought "wow, i loved that". Thank you for sharing!

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  54. So lovely. The way you treated the theme of identity rings true. Ellen

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  55. Tara, this is beautiful, contented (if I can call writing contented, but that's how it felt...like a sigh) and makes me want to cry - in a good way.
    I'm sorry I haven't been around. Just writing and more writing and recitals and kids and not coming up for air. This poem was just the air I needed. Thank you, thank you.

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  56. I love the way you move so easily from one part of yourself to the other and then to the complete, dizzying whole of you. You shine so vibrantly in this space, so full of life and beauty.

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  57. it's a beautiful wonder, how stretchy God has made us
    ....like gumby
    only lovelier
    and with real tears that sometimes get squeezed
    from the winepress
    and our hearts become the wine
    and it grows finer
    each year.
    it's a beautiful thing you're doing, real life:)
    thanks for the beautiful share,
    Jennifer

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  58. I am enough.
    It's beautiful..clean, honest, drenched.
    Nice.

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  59. What a beautiful tribute to our lives as mother... I can relate...the burden of responsibility lifted among friendship. Yet, slipping under the covers of contentment of the place I belong the most with the people that I love the most. Thanks for penning these thoughts.

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  60. i love you, dear tara. hope you are having a wonderful summer.

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  61. I love this part... "i feel the electric current
    of my life being pulled to theirs
    of belonging, together."

    You have such a gift. Such a wonderful way to convey these beautiful, revealing, and truthful moments in life.

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  62. just breathing this in... absolutely beautiful.

    I am SO thankful you linked this up today. Bless you for this, your words are rich and stirring. What a gift you have been given.....

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  63. I love this post and your writing. You have such an amazing gift for words.

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  64. Dang girl, you can write. You know, just incase anyone was wondering.

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