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"We're all just walking each other home." - - Ram Dass







Friday, February 10, 2012

Five Minute Friday: How will I know?


This week's word: Trust



My hands tremble as I dial, sinking into her presence on the line. "Mama, how will I know when it's time?" And she chuckled low and deep in the way only knowing women can, and tells me "You'll know, baby girl, trust in yourself. your body will tell you."

And it did.  I fell into the pattern told only by my body.  Bringing me to the brink of this new journey.  And when my story unfolded sooner than was expected, I trusted my own sense of self to say, "It's time."

And in a blur of mere minutes, you were here. In my arms.




I was entrusted to your care.  You, of zero days behind you, and me with only 22 years on my back.  My hands shook once more as I clipped you into your seat.  No one seemed to see the desperation in my eyes - I've never done this before.  These nurses. These doctors. Even my own family, trusted you to my keeping.  One deep breath in, I told myself I would do the same.


~~ And yet again, this fall ~~

With the leaves curling brown behind us, I fix the straps of your backpack, smiling at all we have learned together, my first born love and I.

 Now, we were to enter a new phase.







Still unsure.  Still uncertain.









But I am learning to trust this love that guides me.

But mostly, I trust in your ability to flourish even when I falter.







20 comments:

  1. Oh my word...the way you weaved this story, capturing my heart and attention....in JUST FIVE MINUTES.....wow! I am drawn into your fear, your love, your trepidation, you anticipation, your heart.

    Thank you SO much for sharing that here. It's so beautiful!

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  2. Such a sweet and tender story. Great job!

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  3. beautiful blog... beautiful post... beautiful boy... thanks much for stopping by this morning to drop me a line!

    Counting gifts,
    Heidi

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  4. I LOVE the direction you took this word!! Beautiful post.

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  5. Crying! Sigh ... Our daughter started Kindergarten this year. I can relate.

    Beautiful post.

    Love,
    Beth

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  6. "Flourish when I falter"...whoa, that's good! Thanks...good stuff!!

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  7. Parenting continues to be the foremost way God teaches me to trust - at every age -at every stage. You described it beautifully. And in that last photograph, his eyes say it all. He's looking to you, to help him trust.

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  8. "I trust in your ability to flourish even when I falter."
    Oh how I loved this.
    beautiful post.
    thank you so much for sharing your heart!
    All for Him,
    Nikki

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  9. It's crazy what God teaches us through our children... {;0) Awesome.

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  10. Your words resonate deeply. I was 22 when I had my first child too. And on her first day of kindergarten, yes, I was one of those mothers who cried. The funny part was the fact that I taught 7th grade English at the SAME SCHOOL. I was just going to be upstairs and around the corner. I wasn't even leaving the campus, and I still cried!

    Lovely post. I always enjoy visiting here.

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  11. This is beautiful! I think trusting God with my daughter really is one of the hardest challenges that I face.

    Thank you for such a beautiful reminder.

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  12. Precious. Mothering is about building that mutual trust, isn't it? We mess up and still they trust. I hope I'm as gracious with my kids as they are with me!

    Thanks for popping in on me today:)

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  13. Oh my goodness, that last line. It's the biggest saving grace of parenting, right? That even when we're uncertain, and in spite of every failure, our kids surprise us all the time with their resilience, with their gifts that don't depend on us. Thanks for this.

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  14. I am not a mother but this is so beautiful. Your love comes across in your words and your hopes for your first born. I love how you explain how you just know when it was time. Amazing how He has designed our bodies to notice when the time is here.

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  15. Strange...our daughter AND our sons would get along too! My son started kindergarten this year too! How old is your girl? Mine is 3!
    LOVE THIS.

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    1. yes, my daughter is 3 as well...she'll be 4 in May :) :)

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  16. I came this morning trying to leave a comment and my computer froze up. :( Thank you for these beautiful words, your love, and these precious pics. The fact that our kids can flourish while we falter is definitely a HUGE God blessing. Blessings girl.

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  17. Absolutely beautiful! Made me smile but also a little sad that they do have to grow up. Wish I could protect them forever.

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